I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
