I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
