I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
