I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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