I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
