Only a mothe r could love this liver
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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