the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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