That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
