Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
