he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
