His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
