thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
