its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
