so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
