i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
