update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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