As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
