who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
