no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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