I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
