I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
