I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
