Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
