Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
