Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
