I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
