when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
