I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
