I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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