is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
