oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
