if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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