a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
