If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
