if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
