I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
