I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize