if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
