he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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