thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
