Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
