He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
