My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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