she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
