I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
