so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this boner is exhausting
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize