i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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