Moan for me like Helen Keller
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
