I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
