Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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