you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize