I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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