What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
