does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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