Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
