I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
