I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
