I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
