I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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