Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
