that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
