nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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