cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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