she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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