I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I want her autograph on my taint
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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