I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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