take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
