Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this will be a night to untag.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
