I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
