Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
