Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
