i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize