While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
