sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
