I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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