the condom got lost in my hair
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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