I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
