So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
