He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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