Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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