No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
