I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
