The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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