Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
