i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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