i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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