We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
