i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize