Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
