so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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