She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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