I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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