this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
