I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
