I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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