so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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