you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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