it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize