I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
