he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
