We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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