I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Semen is not good for contacts.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize